Rational thinking.

Rational (adj.)
1. a. having reason or understanding
b. relating to, based on, or agreeable to reason: reasonable (a rational explanation) (rational behaviour)
(Merriam-Webster)

It’s so difficult for an emotional and impulsive person to be rational. Because by the time I am rational, I’ve usually already acted out of spite or defiance or anger. I always thought that I would get “better” as I grew older, but as I hit 30, I discovered that this is not the case at all.

Still, now that I am nearing my mid-30s, I’ve come to discover that there are times when I can be rational. Well, more rational than before. Not nearly as rational as I should be, or as my boss is. Pfft.

In reality, it’s because I have more responsibilities in life, and those are always in the back of my head, and so all (or at least, most) actions are coloured by those responsibilities. Like when I get really upset with my job, I go for a smoke instead of quitting immediately. Not that smoking is any better, but well. At least I still have a job right now hahaha.

Thinking about what has happened in the past 30 hours, it’s funny how I can rationalise what has happened, and kinda make myself feel better about it all. I suppose the fact that I know it’s not time for me to leave yet helps. But at the same time, I know that time is coming.

Can’t bloody wait.

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